You know, I never have really cared who reads this thing or not. I write on my "hideout" because I figure someone else is going through something similar to my life at times, whether it's happy or sad, and if I can somehow help them by letting them know that they're not alone in anything, and other people have problems too, then maybe I did the world some good, no matter how small.
Life hits hard sometimes. Lately it's punched me pretty good, and I've had blows that really hurt. From dealing with death, to lower than acceptable grades in college, to getting turned down from a college you were setting plans on and around to completely change nearly everything with what was "scheduled" for the next two to three years. With my personality, this doesn't sit well.
Why? It's because I'm of the type that likes to know what's going on. Not even being in control of what's going on. Just knowing what will happen makes me content. So getting the rug ripped out from under me with being denied entry to the Fall 2013 quarter at CSUB changed my entire plans. It first freaked me out, because I thought cumulative GPA was the reason, or that they were just too full to accept a middle-class, gonna-have-to-get-student-loans white kid from a farm town.
But without going into A LOT of details, I spent the weekend with my other half and good college friends at a Christian retreat at Hume Lake. No cell service to distract us, and a full three days to focus on life and our relationship with God. Coming back off the mountains that weekend, because of the speaker, I realized that I can't always know what's going to happen. I'm going to have to just trust the fact that there is a plan for my life, and things will work out despite not being what I originally thought I wanted them to be. Because what I want may not always be the best route to take.
And now today, I spent time going to the college and asking questions to people, wanting to know why I was denied, and what I need to do to fix it and get in next time. Because of the trivial nature of the California School System, they want me to finish all 60 units of gen-ed before transferring. I'm only about 10 away from finishing that, and am going to get them done in the summer time. But rules are rules, and this rule sets my plans back a quarter or two.
But the blessing here is that I can breathe a bit. Sure, I was ticked when I couldn't keep going gung-ho all the time and powering through all of this to get it done. You see, I'm taking 18 units right now, working 40+ hours a week, often times more. Factor in the times I spend going on trips to Los Angeles or Disney, or the coast, or spending time with family or my other half, and I'm burning my candle at both ends, and it's close to being burned out. This seems to be a sign of saying "Dude, you really gotta shift into low gear for a bit and not overheat the engine you're revving so hard right now". So I'll take a bit of time off before diving into my major. I'll slow down and just live a little less chaotic, and maybe get more than 4-5 hours of sleep a night.
And as a final note, the past 4 or 5 days are the happiest I have felt in a long time. For once in a great while I'm actually content. I have everything I could ever want with life, and I noticed I'm laughing more, smiling brighter, and being nicer to people as well (that's definitely been a problem I've worked hard on. Just ask my parents). So from here, I just need to try to keep my contentment and happiness going, and realizing that life's plan is really for me to just sit back and enjoy the ride. Because I can't force things to happen and expect it to always turn out so beautiful. That's not how life should be lived. It's a ride and I'm here to enjoy it.
Life hits hard sometimes. Lately it's punched me pretty good, and I've had blows that really hurt. From dealing with death, to lower than acceptable grades in college, to getting turned down from a college you were setting plans on and around to completely change nearly everything with what was "scheduled" for the next two to three years. With my personality, this doesn't sit well.
Why? It's because I'm of the type that likes to know what's going on. Not even being in control of what's going on. Just knowing what will happen makes me content. So getting the rug ripped out from under me with being denied entry to the Fall 2013 quarter at CSUB changed my entire plans. It first freaked me out, because I thought cumulative GPA was the reason, or that they were just too full to accept a middle-class, gonna-have-to-get-student-loans white kid from a farm town.
But without going into A LOT of details, I spent the weekend with my other half and good college friends at a Christian retreat at Hume Lake. No cell service to distract us, and a full three days to focus on life and our relationship with God. Coming back off the mountains that weekend, because of the speaker, I realized that I can't always know what's going to happen. I'm going to have to just trust the fact that there is a plan for my life, and things will work out despite not being what I originally thought I wanted them to be. Because what I want may not always be the best route to take.
And now today, I spent time going to the college and asking questions to people, wanting to know why I was denied, and what I need to do to fix it and get in next time. Because of the trivial nature of the California School System, they want me to finish all 60 units of gen-ed before transferring. I'm only about 10 away from finishing that, and am going to get them done in the summer time. But rules are rules, and this rule sets my plans back a quarter or two.
But the blessing here is that I can breathe a bit. Sure, I was ticked when I couldn't keep going gung-ho all the time and powering through all of this to get it done. You see, I'm taking 18 units right now, working 40+ hours a week, often times more. Factor in the times I spend going on trips to Los Angeles or Disney, or the coast, or spending time with family or my other half, and I'm burning my candle at both ends, and it's close to being burned out. This seems to be a sign of saying "Dude, you really gotta shift into low gear for a bit and not overheat the engine you're revving so hard right now". So I'll take a bit of time off before diving into my major. I'll slow down and just live a little less chaotic, and maybe get more than 4-5 hours of sleep a night.
And as a final note, the past 4 or 5 days are the happiest I have felt in a long time. For once in a great while I'm actually content. I have everything I could ever want with life, and I noticed I'm laughing more, smiling brighter, and being nicer to people as well (that's definitely been a problem I've worked hard on. Just ask my parents). So from here, I just need to try to keep my contentment and happiness going, and realizing that life's plan is really for me to just sit back and enjoy the ride. Because I can't force things to happen and expect it to always turn out so beautiful. That's not how life should be lived. It's a ride and I'm here to enjoy it.
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1 comment:
I love when God slows you down. You are now ENJOYING life and what God is giving you instead of flying through it trying to get to your next destination. This is where you take more time to lean on Him and ask Him where He wants you to go. This was a great blog post!
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