Here's a story I wrote a while back just for kicks. Thought I'd blog it and see what everyone thinks.
Feedback is always welcomed. :)
>>Jake
“Taxi! Hey, Taxi!” screamed businessman Richard Bentley. He was late for a board of directors meeting at Reliant Energy Corporation. He decided upon a dark blue suit with a thin white and pale green striped tie to wear to the meeting. He thought if he’s going to make the sale, he might as well do it in style. “Thanks, I need to go to 1313 South Katella Drive.”, said Richard in a very succinct tone. “No problem” said the taxi driver.
The Meeting
As the president of Reliant Energy opened the meeting, Richard Bentley was preparing his final slide of his slide show presentation. “Ok Ladies and gentlemen, let’s get this meeting started. Today we have Mr. Richard Bentley from Oscorp Inc. and he is here to explain the possible merge with both companies. Please give him your undivided attention.” “Thank you Mr. Wayne. I’m here today to expound the possibility of the merge between Reliant and Oscorp. We will still keep all of our employees, and change both names, to one. All plants are going to be put under the new name, and owned by the
New company – “What if one company decides to be too dominant over the other? What then?” asked a board member in an odious tone. “We will have a board of equal members from each company, it will be a democracy. Everything will be equal. No one will be left out. But, it is still equivocal that we will merge.”
Richard’s Home
“Honey, I’m home!” His somewhat melodious voice pleased his wife as he walked through the door of his new $3,000,000 home. His wife was very beautiful for her age. Her dark brown hair was pulled up into a loose clip, and she had a very natural, vintage look to her. Almost like a cheerleader from the 30’s or 40’s. A very beautiful, both inside and out, Richard knew he made the right choice when he asked her to marry her. High school sweethearts since their sophomore year, they were conjointly together even before that. “Hi Ritchie” replied Rebecca. The wet, sticky sweet feel of her lips made Richard remember the night her first kissed her. A cold, wet and rainy night inside his Dodge Camero on the banks of Lake Michigan by the Navy Pier was the best night of his life. “How was your day Becca?” he inquired. “Good, Cassandra called, said she’s with a guy named Brad now. She still won’t tell me where she’s at. She’s still really mad at you for having her cut ties with Cody. He was a good kid, and never meant any harm. “Well, I don’t care. She will come around again. I know she will, she always has. And I’m still trying to get the board to approve the merge. It’s a pain talking to them. They sit, listen, and then argue about everything they just heard. I hope it goes through. If it doesn’t then it’s my neck that’s going to get wrung.” “Well, we’ll be fine. I’m sure it will go through, and all will be fine with the board. Don’t worry about them.” He sighs,” Ok, I guess you’re right. Hey I’m going to be back in time for dinner. I want go take a drive to clear my head of all this stuff.” “Ok, dinner’s going to be ready in about an hour.” He responds with a quick grin and says, “Perfect.”
Drive to Kill.
As he hops into his forest green Jaguar XK-8, he grabs his black tomcat handgun with a silencer. It was nothing special, just a typical run of the mill handgun. Along with the gun, he takes a box of clear plastic bags and zip ties. He is an intemperate murderer. He commits such atrocious acts only at night. By day, he’s just Richard Bentley, another businessman in Chicago. Once all of his equipment is in the trunk, he gets in, and turns on the radio. Ironically, Shoot to Thrill from AC/DC comes on as he pulls into the cool winter air.
The Shot
“Ok where do I want to go….south of town? No, that’s too poor; no one will care to notice that. Uptown is better. A rich man getting killed will make the news.” As the car roars down the highway he decides to kill the board member that spoke out earlier that morning at the meeting. “Once he’s gone, he’d be out of the way for the merge.” He thought to himself. Once he pulled up to the house, he attached his silencer to the gun; put a bag over it, and zip tied it around his hand. All the lights were out except the far right room on the second level of the house. He walked up to the giant oak doors and jimmied the lock. They opened without the slightest sound of a squeak. Once inside, he hung his coat on the coat rack as if he was family. Next, he slowly and gracefully made his way upstairs. Taking time to look at the perfectly level family pictures all in the same style cherry frames, he began to wonder what this man’s life was outside the office. Nonetheless, he already committed himself to killing this man; he had to finish the job. “His kids are already out of the house, they have to be in college when the last Christmas photo was taken...so it’s just him and his wife….perfect.” He slyly thought to himself. As he rounded the corner he could hear some slight banging and what sounded like a clinking of a champagne glass. As he neared the door, he could hear a light giggle and a woman saying, “Oh John, we haven’t had this much fun since the kid were born.” A rather heavy and slurred voice replied, “Mary, I must say, you are without a doubt, the best lover a man can have.” While this was going on Richard slowly opened the door, and casually walked in. Without saying a word, he raised his gun, and pulled the trigger. With a small thump, he hit the man in the leg. “AGGHHHHHH!!!!! What was that?!” “The woman looked up and let out a long and rather high pitched scream. As she tried to cover herself up with what was left of the lacy red lingerie, he fired a shot towards the woman, penetrating the woman right below the neck. She fell right beside the man. As he stares in shock, Richard walks in close, and casually says, “Don’t ever cross me like that again.” And he places the gun right next to John’s ear, and pulls the trigger.
The Office
As the friends converse over the water cooler, someone pips in and says, “Did you hear? John from the Oscorp board of directors got shot last night! No one, not even the cops know who broke in and killed him. But apparently he and his wife her having some fun last night, at least they got to have fun before they died.” Another speaks up and says “I heard there were him and his wife, but there was another couple there too, but they escaped before they got shot. Richard overhears, and responds, “What happens at home stays on youtube, right?” Everyone laughs at his rather rude joke, but he just grins, because he knows what really happened. His secretary calls him and informs him that Deputy Branson would like to speak to him in his office. As he begins to walk back to his office, he wonders, “Am I going to get caught? I just have to remain calm, and act stupid. There’s no real reason to panic. I have all my stuff well hidden at home. No one, not even my wife knows about it.” “Mr. Bentley, I’m Deputy Branson. I’m here to ask a few questions about the murder of John Washington. How was your relationship with him?” “Well, I barely knew him. We had a board meeting yesterday to discuss some business, but that’s about it.” Richard replied almost imperceptible. “Ok, did you ever get into any conflicts with him?” “No sir. But I feel a great remorse for his family.” “Ok, well thank you for your time. I greatly appreciate it. If you see anyone around the office, please, give me a call. Here’s my number.” As he receives the business card, he thanks the Deputy and offers to buy him coffee sometime. “I’d do anything to get this guy of my back.” He thinks to himself.
One week later
He pulls out the same gun, same silencer, and a new bag with new zip ties. “This time, it’s going to be random. I want to find another couple somewhere. This time I’ll go to the downtown district and get another co-ed couple. Maybe college age, who knows?” As he passes the Sears tower, he rounds the corner and pulls into a parking garage. His black trench coat is far from unusual on a rainy night like this. He walks across the street and begins to make his way to the Parkview Apartments. He enters the lobby elevator and presses level 7. As he exits the elevator, he makes sure to hold the door open for a mother and her son. He then walks down the quiet hallway covered in new carpet with abstract looking trees and flowers. “Huh, PARKVIEW Apartments. That’s ironic. There’s no park in the downtown area.” He begins to overhear some laughing, and a loud crash. “Hmm, this sounds promising.” To his surprise, the door is unlocked. So, he slowly opens the door, and besides the small whine, of the door opening and the reverberation of the door closing, he was perfectly silent. “Oh Brad, you’re so bad!” “Cassie, if I was any worse, you’d have to throw me in jail.” “Haha you’re so funny! I love you!” “I love you too. Now, what else are we going to do?” “How about we order take – what’s that?” “What’s what?” “That! I heard something in the kitchen” “Cassie, it’s just you and me. No one else is here.” Replied Brad.“Go check it out.” Cassie said in a incumbent tone.“Fine. Let me get my boxers on.” Brad replied as he succumbed to his girlfriend. As all this was going on, Richard stood silently in the kitchen, waiting for his victim to arrive. As Brad leaves the premises of the bedroom with his bravado, Cassie calls after him, “I called my mom last week; I want to take you to meet my parents soon. You’ll love my dad. He works for the biggest electric company in Chicago.” “Really? That’s cool. My dad works for Oscorp. I haven’t heard from either of my parents. I wonder what’s up.” As soon as Richard heard this, he immediately made a break for the door. He shut the door just as soon as Brad walked into the kitchen. Brad replies,” See honey, there’s nothing here.”. “Ok. I could have sworn I heard something.”
Did Richard ever decide to kill again? Did he calm his ungovernable thrill to kill? He once jeopardized his daughter’s life, and also, the possible life of his grandchildren. He could possibly live a normal life, and never kill again. Or, he could forget what almost happened on that dark, cold, wintry night, and keep on killing. The end is up to you.
Feedback is always welcomed. :)
>>Jake
“Taxi! Hey, Taxi!” screamed businessman Richard Bentley. He was late for a board of directors meeting at Reliant Energy Corporation. He decided upon a dark blue suit with a thin white and pale green striped tie to wear to the meeting. He thought if he’s going to make the sale, he might as well do it in style. “Thanks, I need to go to 1313 South Katella Drive.”, said Richard in a very succinct tone. “No problem” said the taxi driver.
The Meeting
As the president of Reliant Energy opened the meeting, Richard Bentley was preparing his final slide of his slide show presentation. “Ok Ladies and gentlemen, let’s get this meeting started. Today we have Mr. Richard Bentley from Oscorp Inc. and he is here to explain the possible merge with both companies. Please give him your undivided attention.” “Thank you Mr. Wayne. I’m here today to expound the possibility of the merge between Reliant and Oscorp. We will still keep all of our employees, and change both names, to one. All plants are going to be put under the new name, and owned by the
New company – “What if one company decides to be too dominant over the other? What then?” asked a board member in an odious tone. “We will have a board of equal members from each company, it will be a democracy. Everything will be equal. No one will be left out. But, it is still equivocal that we will merge.”
Richard’s Home
“Honey, I’m home!” His somewhat melodious voice pleased his wife as he walked through the door of his new $3,000,000 home. His wife was very beautiful for her age. Her dark brown hair was pulled up into a loose clip, and she had a very natural, vintage look to her. Almost like a cheerleader from the 30’s or 40’s. A very beautiful, both inside and out, Richard knew he made the right choice when he asked her to marry her. High school sweethearts since their sophomore year, they were conjointly together even before that. “Hi Ritchie” replied Rebecca. The wet, sticky sweet feel of her lips made Richard remember the night her first kissed her. A cold, wet and rainy night inside his Dodge Camero on the banks of Lake Michigan by the Navy Pier was the best night of his life. “How was your day Becca?” he inquired. “Good, Cassandra called, said she’s with a guy named Brad now. She still won’t tell me where she’s at. She’s still really mad at you for having her cut ties with Cody. He was a good kid, and never meant any harm. “Well, I don’t care. She will come around again. I know she will, she always has. And I’m still trying to get the board to approve the merge. It’s a pain talking to them. They sit, listen, and then argue about everything they just heard. I hope it goes through. If it doesn’t then it’s my neck that’s going to get wrung.” “Well, we’ll be fine. I’m sure it will go through, and all will be fine with the board. Don’t worry about them.” He sighs,” Ok, I guess you’re right. Hey I’m going to be back in time for dinner. I want go take a drive to clear my head of all this stuff.” “Ok, dinner’s going to be ready in about an hour.” He responds with a quick grin and says, “Perfect.”
Drive to Kill.
As he hops into his forest green Jaguar XK-8, he grabs his black tomcat handgun with a silencer. It was nothing special, just a typical run of the mill handgun. Along with the gun, he takes a box of clear plastic bags and zip ties. He is an intemperate murderer. He commits such atrocious acts only at night. By day, he’s just Richard Bentley, another businessman in Chicago. Once all of his equipment is in the trunk, he gets in, and turns on the radio. Ironically, Shoot to Thrill from AC/DC comes on as he pulls into the cool winter air.
The Shot
“Ok where do I want to go….south of town? No, that’s too poor; no one will care to notice that. Uptown is better. A rich man getting killed will make the news.” As the car roars down the highway he decides to kill the board member that spoke out earlier that morning at the meeting. “Once he’s gone, he’d be out of the way for the merge.” He thought to himself. Once he pulled up to the house, he attached his silencer to the gun; put a bag over it, and zip tied it around his hand. All the lights were out except the far right room on the second level of the house. He walked up to the giant oak doors and jimmied the lock. They opened without the slightest sound of a squeak. Once inside, he hung his coat on the coat rack as if he was family. Next, he slowly and gracefully made his way upstairs. Taking time to look at the perfectly level family pictures all in the same style cherry frames, he began to wonder what this man’s life was outside the office. Nonetheless, he already committed himself to killing this man; he had to finish the job. “His kids are already out of the house, they have to be in college when the last Christmas photo was taken...so it’s just him and his wife….perfect.” He slyly thought to himself. As he rounded the corner he could hear some slight banging and what sounded like a clinking of a champagne glass. As he neared the door, he could hear a light giggle and a woman saying, “Oh John, we haven’t had this much fun since the kid were born.” A rather heavy and slurred voice replied, “Mary, I must say, you are without a doubt, the best lover a man can have.” While this was going on Richard slowly opened the door, and casually walked in. Without saying a word, he raised his gun, and pulled the trigger. With a small thump, he hit the man in the leg. “AGGHHHHHH!!!!! What was that?!” “The woman looked up and let out a long and rather high pitched scream. As she tried to cover herself up with what was left of the lacy red lingerie, he fired a shot towards the woman, penetrating the woman right below the neck. She fell right beside the man. As he stares in shock, Richard walks in close, and casually says, “Don’t ever cross me like that again.” And he places the gun right next to John’s ear, and pulls the trigger.
The Office
As the friends converse over the water cooler, someone pips in and says, “Did you hear? John from the Oscorp board of directors got shot last night! No one, not even the cops know who broke in and killed him. But apparently he and his wife her having some fun last night, at least they got to have fun before they died.” Another speaks up and says “I heard there were him and his wife, but there was another couple there too, but they escaped before they got shot. Richard overhears, and responds, “What happens at home stays on youtube, right?” Everyone laughs at his rather rude joke, but he just grins, because he knows what really happened. His secretary calls him and informs him that Deputy Branson would like to speak to him in his office. As he begins to walk back to his office, he wonders, “Am I going to get caught? I just have to remain calm, and act stupid. There’s no real reason to panic. I have all my stuff well hidden at home. No one, not even my wife knows about it.” “Mr. Bentley, I’m Deputy Branson. I’m here to ask a few questions about the murder of John Washington. How was your relationship with him?” “Well, I barely knew him. We had a board meeting yesterday to discuss some business, but that’s about it.” Richard replied almost imperceptible. “Ok, did you ever get into any conflicts with him?” “No sir. But I feel a great remorse for his family.” “Ok, well thank you for your time. I greatly appreciate it. If you see anyone around the office, please, give me a call. Here’s my number.” As he receives the business card, he thanks the Deputy and offers to buy him coffee sometime. “I’d do anything to get this guy of my back.” He thinks to himself.
One week later
He pulls out the same gun, same silencer, and a new bag with new zip ties. “This time, it’s going to be random. I want to find another couple somewhere. This time I’ll go to the downtown district and get another co-ed couple. Maybe college age, who knows?” As he passes the Sears tower, he rounds the corner and pulls into a parking garage. His black trench coat is far from unusual on a rainy night like this. He walks across the street and begins to make his way to the Parkview Apartments. He enters the lobby elevator and presses level 7. As he exits the elevator, he makes sure to hold the door open for a mother and her son. He then walks down the quiet hallway covered in new carpet with abstract looking trees and flowers. “Huh, PARKVIEW Apartments. That’s ironic. There’s no park in the downtown area.” He begins to overhear some laughing, and a loud crash. “Hmm, this sounds promising.” To his surprise, the door is unlocked. So, he slowly opens the door, and besides the small whine, of the door opening and the reverberation of the door closing, he was perfectly silent. “Oh Brad, you’re so bad!” “Cassie, if I was any worse, you’d have to throw me in jail.” “Haha you’re so funny! I love you!” “I love you too. Now, what else are we going to do?” “How about we order take – what’s that?” “What’s what?” “That! I heard something in the kitchen” “Cassie, it’s just you and me. No one else is here.” Replied Brad.“Go check it out.” Cassie said in a incumbent tone.“Fine. Let me get my boxers on.” Brad replied as he succumbed to his girlfriend. As all this was going on, Richard stood silently in the kitchen, waiting for his victim to arrive. As Brad leaves the premises of the bedroom with his bravado, Cassie calls after him, “I called my mom last week; I want to take you to meet my parents soon. You’ll love my dad. He works for the biggest electric company in Chicago.” “Really? That’s cool. My dad works for Oscorp. I haven’t heard from either of my parents. I wonder what’s up.” As soon as Richard heard this, he immediately made a break for the door. He shut the door just as soon as Brad walked into the kitchen. Brad replies,” See honey, there’s nothing here.”. “Ok. I could have sworn I heard something.”
Did Richard ever decide to kill again? Did he calm his ungovernable thrill to kill? He once jeopardized his daughter’s life, and also, the possible life of his grandchildren. He could possibly live a normal life, and never kill again. Or, he could forget what almost happened on that dark, cold, wintry night, and keep on killing. The end is up to you.
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2 comments:
Read through the whole thing. Liked it, on the whole. If I may make one point: instead of saying what the situation was like, describe it via the setting. For example, your first paragraph:
“Taxi! Hey, Taxi!” screamed businessman Richard Bentley. He was late for a board of directors meeting at Reliant Energy Corporation. He decided upon a dark blue suit with a thin white and pale green striped tie to wear to the meeting. He thought if he’s going to make the sale, he might as well do it in style. “Thanks, I need to go to 1313 South Katella Drive.”, said Richard in a very succinct tone. “No problem” said the taxi driver.
Could be rewritten as:
"Taxi! Hey, taxi!" Richard Bentley hailed one of the famous Yellow Cabs with one hand while struggling with a too-full briefcase with the other. The taxi pulled up to the curb. "1313 South Katella." He told the driver, who nodded and merged back into traffic. He looked in the rearview mirror. "Business sale?"
Richard self-consciously tugged at his pinstriped tie. "Sales pitch."
The taxi driver nodded as if he was a sales expert himself. "You might as well do it in style."
He let out a noncommittal grunt, and started to browse through the files of the Reliant Energy Corporation. Hell, if he was going to be stuck in a taxicab with an overenthusiastic driver, he might as well make some use of it.
Seung, you're right. This was something I wrote back in like, the 8th grade. Just copied and pasted it over to see what people thought of it. I'm actually going to be taking this story and make it better and longer sometime soon. I liked your changes to the first paragraph, by the way. :)
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