Letter To You

I'm going to be honest: I'm sorry. To everyone that I ever have hurt, possibly hurt, or intentionally hurt. I'm sorry. Looking back, I was a jerk. Selfish, even if I didn't think I was. Rude, even if I thought it was clever. So here's a list of apologies I owe. I figure I might as well not keep the skeletons in the closet, and just let it out to dry in open air. So in no order, here's some of the apologies I owe to a lot of people.


My parents: I'm sorry for lying, stealing, deceiving, sneaking around, being mean and rude, and so much more. I'm sorry for not being what I should be at times as a son. For being sarcastic and not handing arguments or family fights the way I should. I'm sorry for skimming the change from the cash to the grocery store when I've had to get stuff. I'm sorry for not being as mature as I need to be at times with things.

My external family: I'm sorry for being rude at family get togethers, not wanting to talk, despite everyone's downfalls, I need to put that past me and still be courteous.

The girls of High school past: I'm sorry for flirting and not following through if I was interested or not. I'm sorry for making out, and I'm sorry for not getting to know you deeper than I did.

To my last ex: I'm sorry for being bitter about things after we broke up. Things happened for a reason, and I wish you the best in life.

Mr. and Mrs. Reeves: I'm sorry for lying to you about that one time Brad and I snuck out after formal to meet girls and not be at the dance where we should have been.

Grandma: I'm sorry for manipulating the situation as a kid and getting more toys at K-mart than you said I could get.

I'm sorry in general for not being as understanding or compassionate as I should be. I'm working on changing this, and I hope to be a better person in the future. I'm assuming some of you are wondering what the heck this post is all about. In short: I'm just feeling bad about things from the past, because of things I'm going through right now. Transitioning in life is hard, and I'm trying to find my own way in this world. It's all just really hard to do. 

No True Title

I really don't know what to say. I'm hurt. I'm mad. But I can't say about what, because that's going against family. I never imagined growing up would be this hard to do.

I'm sitting in Panera, and I've got a really bad headache from all that's gone on. The yelling, the "I'm not going to talk about it", the "be more mature"', the awkward tension in a room.

I get that I've made mistakes. I've made a lot of them. I bounced around from girl to girl in high school. Probably faster than most. Actually no, definitely faster than most.

I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for thinking I was a hotshot with the world at my fingertips and disposal. It's my fault for being who I was.

I'm sorry for the last year. For not being man enough to stand up on my own and say what I should have said.

I'm sorry for right now. For just now getting to the point I can start to quietly express things and attempt to keep my cool, before things are blown up (which they more than often are).

I'm sorry for not being the man I should be, but am desperately trying to be, despite the constant "you need to grow up".

I'm sorry for talking back. Or what people think is talking back, instead, me searching for answers to the ever short question of "WHY?"

I'm sorry for not communicating as well. Or saying what I feel the right way it needs to be said. Or saying it too much.

I wish I could write more. I wish I could really talk about what I feel deep down inside. But I can't do that to my family. But I can say that I wish things were different. I've been wishing that since I was about 12. But they haven't changed. I doubt they will change much. But I'm going to change me. At least I can do that.