Those words in the title come from Disney/Pixar's Cars. It's a popular scene when Lightning McQueen is trying to convince Minnie and Van to assist him to get out of Radiator Springs, because he's 'in hillbilly hell'. Disney really has pretty much any movie to relate to any moment in your life. Right now, I feel a bit light Lightning McQueen: stuck in some small town with "no way out". The difference is, my small town isn't quaint and awesome like Radiator Springs. Unfortunately, this is the real world, and it sucks.
My problems of this place, and desire to leave don't stem from a bad home life, or anything like that. It stems from the fact that this place is beyond what I don't want in life. I know this for fact, now that I've had a chance to sit down by myself in some quiet time and reflect on my life. This place has some issues, and I won't go into detail for each one, but here's a list:
- It's small. There's literally nothing to do outside a movie, Dewars, or Boomers/Camelot on a friday night. If you're lucky, you can do all three in the same night. (this is where people unfortunately "get creative" and find ways to "have fun". Youtube "redneck party tricks" and you'll see what I mean)
- Politics. Yea, this is everywhere, but when your town gets contracts to get higher quality dining experiences, and because of a "kit fox" they halt the entire project prettymuch permanently, there's a problem.
- Good Ol' Boy. This is rampant in Bakersfield. It very much appears that unless you're "in" with the cliques of this town, you're "out" on everything. The star linebacker from Bakersfield High of the 70's is still as arrogant as he was the day he made the game saving tackle.
- Air Quality. Yes, I know LA has its share of problems with this too, BUT they have the marine layers to wash it out more often than the armpit of the vally does.
There's more than that, but that's the bigger topics on the list. This isn't even scratching the list of my own personal issues. There's too many bad memories that I want to leave in the past, and start fresh in a bigger and more productive place. Orange County and Los Angeles are places that, albeit have their own problems as well, still have a larger base of people, and a base of people that I can find, and be creative and live the life I truely want with. I want to be able to drive 30 minutes to the beach and surf, go to work, get off work, meet with friends for dinner, laugh and have quality conversations outside of "oh, did you hear what Jimmy did over at Pismo last week on his quad?", then go back to my apartment, put on some music, and work on a project for work. Maybe have my girlfriend come over the next morning and I make her breakfast. Oh, and I want a window that I can look out and not see a field of dirt.
As for the people, I want away from the stupid, idiodic drama. I know that this again, is something that happens everywhere, but when you're in a town this small, and everyone knows everyone, word travels fast. For example. I broke up with my girlfriend a few weeks ago. And to stop with the PR answer to everyone, and being honest here (I know I might get heat for this, but screw it, I don't care) she wasn't what I ended up wanting. Things were changing and I wasn't happy. I was giving up my dreams to make hers happen, and I didn't even realize at the time that it was gonna suck for me long term. That, and there were times that I just felt like it was a manipulation trip. Quick bat of the eyes, that slight plead to the tone of voice, and it's a sucker trap for a guy like me. I know it, others know it, but no one will admit it but me.
Back on track...
when I broke up with her, I changed my relationship status really late at night when very little of my friends were on, didn't tell many publicly about it. But people I didn't even have on my friends list started calling me out of the blue asking if I was ok and what happened (of course that question comes up..). And as much as I appreciate about 90% of the calls/texts/messages, there's still those people that I just don't want to know my stuff, because it turns to gossip and then the story twists to we broke up because of some stupid reason, instead of the real reason. Not only this, but last night I was supposed to go get dinner with a old friend of mine from high school. She's dating a good friend of mine from high school (we all hung out a lot in high school, so I know both of them really well). I figured it was fine, because she's faithful to him, and I'm beyond NOT interested in her. Especially now that I vow not to really look into dating anyone from here anymore (yes, ladies in SoCal, I'm single). Anyway, I get a text from her boyfriend saying it was unecessary to pay for dinner if all I was going to do was apologize. I had no idea what he was talking about, because I just wanted to catch up and chat about how our lives have been lately. It's been a good year since I've seen anyone from high school, so I'd figure dinner and chatting would be good. Not the case.
She apparently lied to him, and even with screenshooting the conversation (via text) I had with her, he got mad at me, told me not to talk to her or him, and blamed me for "sounding interested in her". Really? We're still playing this game, guys? Trust me, I wouldn't go after another guy's girl, even if she was Minka Kelly or Olivia Wilde.
I'm just tired of this town and how petty and just....high school it can be. I want to find a more mature group of friends that I can really trust and confide with. I want a life where I can work hard at what I love, and not just a job that pays me to be there for them. I want to be able to find great local places and not just fast food or the Basque house in town. There's too much in this world to see and do, and I don't want to miss out on any of it being here.
My problems of this place, and desire to leave don't stem from a bad home life, or anything like that. It stems from the fact that this place is beyond what I don't want in life. I know this for fact, now that I've had a chance to sit down by myself in some quiet time and reflect on my life. This place has some issues, and I won't go into detail for each one, but here's a list:
- It's small. There's literally nothing to do outside a movie, Dewars, or Boomers/Camelot on a friday night. If you're lucky, you can do all three in the same night. (this is where people unfortunately "get creative" and find ways to "have fun". Youtube "redneck party tricks" and you'll see what I mean)
- Politics. Yea, this is everywhere, but when your town gets contracts to get higher quality dining experiences, and because of a "kit fox" they halt the entire project prettymuch permanently, there's a problem.
- Good Ol' Boy. This is rampant in Bakersfield. It very much appears that unless you're "in" with the cliques of this town, you're "out" on everything. The star linebacker from Bakersfield High of the 70's is still as arrogant as he was the day he made the game saving tackle.
- Air Quality. Yes, I know LA has its share of problems with this too, BUT they have the marine layers to wash it out more often than the armpit of the vally does.
There's more than that, but that's the bigger topics on the list. This isn't even scratching the list of my own personal issues. There's too many bad memories that I want to leave in the past, and start fresh in a bigger and more productive place. Orange County and Los Angeles are places that, albeit have their own problems as well, still have a larger base of people, and a base of people that I can find, and be creative and live the life I truely want with. I want to be able to drive 30 minutes to the beach and surf, go to work, get off work, meet with friends for dinner, laugh and have quality conversations outside of "oh, did you hear what Jimmy did over at Pismo last week on his quad?", then go back to my apartment, put on some music, and work on a project for work. Maybe have my girlfriend come over the next morning and I make her breakfast. Oh, and I want a window that I can look out and not see a field of dirt.
As for the people, I want away from the stupid, idiodic drama. I know that this again, is something that happens everywhere, but when you're in a town this small, and everyone knows everyone, word travels fast. For example. I broke up with my girlfriend a few weeks ago. And to stop with the PR answer to everyone, and being honest here (I know I might get heat for this, but screw it, I don't care) she wasn't what I ended up wanting. Things were changing and I wasn't happy. I was giving up my dreams to make hers happen, and I didn't even realize at the time that it was gonna suck for me long term. That, and there were times that I just felt like it was a manipulation trip. Quick bat of the eyes, that slight plead to the tone of voice, and it's a sucker trap for a guy like me. I know it, others know it, but no one will admit it but me.
Back on track...
when I broke up with her, I changed my relationship status really late at night when very little of my friends were on, didn't tell many publicly about it. But people I didn't even have on my friends list started calling me out of the blue asking if I was ok and what happened (of course that question comes up..). And as much as I appreciate about 90% of the calls/texts/messages, there's still those people that I just don't want to know my stuff, because it turns to gossip and then the story twists to we broke up because of some stupid reason, instead of the real reason. Not only this, but last night I was supposed to go get dinner with a old friend of mine from high school. She's dating a good friend of mine from high school (we all hung out a lot in high school, so I know both of them really well). I figured it was fine, because she's faithful to him, and I'm beyond NOT interested in her. Especially now that I vow not to really look into dating anyone from here anymore (yes, ladies in SoCal, I'm single). Anyway, I get a text from her boyfriend saying it was unecessary to pay for dinner if all I was going to do was apologize. I had no idea what he was talking about, because I just wanted to catch up and chat about how our lives have been lately. It's been a good year since I've seen anyone from high school, so I'd figure dinner and chatting would be good. Not the case.
She apparently lied to him, and even with screenshooting the conversation (via text) I had with her, he got mad at me, told me not to talk to her or him, and blamed me for "sounding interested in her". Really? We're still playing this game, guys? Trust me, I wouldn't go after another guy's girl, even if she was Minka Kelly or Olivia Wilde.
I'm just tired of this town and how petty and just....high school it can be. I want to find a more mature group of friends that I can really trust and confide with. I want a life where I can work hard at what I love, and not just a job that pays me to be there for them. I want to be able to find great local places and not just fast food or the Basque house in town. There's too much in this world to see and do, and I don't want to miss out on any of it being here.
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