Internal Combustion

Have you ever had those days you just break down, and completely lose it? Not just "oh crap this day really sucks", but "I've been holding up everything that's gone wrong, and my own personal World War III is about to begin" days. Yesterday was that day.

I've been holding up a lot of things, and yesterday was that final breaking point. The straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak. To sum it up: I got in trouble for having a friend out at the Man Cave when my parents weren't home, I've been mad about some friends not being reliable, or simply courteous, and the big thing I've been dealing with is this so-called new 'stardom' I've achieved online. It's all been on my mind, and I've internalized it all, and never got to really figure things out until I self-imploded.

Friday night the parents weren't home, and I was bored. So what do I do when I'm bored? Call up a friend and see if they want to hang out. Since I didn't have a ride, I called someone who could come out to my place. Well my friend came out, we hung out in the kitchen (seriously, how do the kitchens always end up as the hangout spot for people?), then watched Phantom of the Opera, since I've never seen it. We didn't do anything stupid, or reckless. Simple, laid back fun. Usually the house rule is no one out at the house when the parents aren't home, but I decided to break it, and hang out with my friend at the house. I figured "Hey, I'm 18, my friend's 19, we're able to handle things if something goes wrong. Not that big of a deal." Since I was breaking a house rule, I asked my sister to keep it on the down low from the parents. Kind of that sibling "next time you do something you shouldn't, I'll have your back" kind of thing.

But Monday morning, I get into an argument with my sister. She threatens to tell mom and dad. Well, after time in the argument, she did. I got busted, and I'm now without a phone or iPod for Lord knows how long. Thanks a lot sis. Next time you stay up past curfew talking to your best friend, I'll be sure to let the authorities know.

I guess that got me to break down with everything else. Considering I've had a lot on my mind already, my emotions took hold and I shut down. I didn't talk to anyone, I sat in my room and stared out the window. Just thinking about what I did, where I went wrong, and everything else that's gone on. It was a low for me. I usually don't break rules, because I'd rather just be in good graces and get to do whatever I want. Well, this time I thought I could do whatever I wanted, and it came back to bite me in the butt.

Because of this breakdown, I talked things out with my mom after I calmed down, and figured out some stuff.

With my friends, and even people in general, I have a hard time with people saying they'll help out, or show up, and then totally bailing. I know it's an inevitable fact of life, and I'm learning to just remember that people will be flakes, and that's on their conscience if they want to bail. But before this, I could not stand it when people would say they'd come to an event, or help out, then bail. I'm a very "if you sign up for something, you better do it, even if you don't want to anymore" kind of guy. It's just the respectable thing to do because you've already committed to showing up. Unless your mom died, or you're going to the hospital because your kidneys are failing, you better show up. Not showing up because your girlfriend's kitty died, or because Aunt Ida needs your help knitting a blanket, is really lame.

And this is a big thing right now for me. This will sound self-centered to some, but I do not mean it in any way like that. I'm just calling it like it is. But over a period of about a year, I've gotten more popular. Because I've posted a lot on Micechat, and started blogging more, I've been gaining more twitter followers, the blog has seen record numbers (last month the blog reached it's all time high of 3,060 hits). There was even a dude that found me in Disneyland back in November, and asked to take a photo with me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about the popularity, and I guess 'fanbase', but I'm still trying to figure out how to handle random people coming up asking "hey, aren't you MainStreetJake?" At times, I've gotten arrogant, and I really need to keep that in check, because I'm just another person like anyone else. It's really cool that people like what I have to say on topics, and I'm definitely going to continue to keep blogging and tweeting because it's something I really love doing. But I just need to learn how to always keep a level head, and stay 100% humble about everything. And as always, I need to keep God the center of my life, and make sure I stay true to what I stand for, and what I represent.

With all this said, I'm going to finish my Grande IC with a shot of V, with added 2SPL, and B creme, and go back home to watch TRON: Legacy. The Grid on Blu-Ray's going to look so awesome.

(I'll mail out a small Disney Prize to whoever gets my drink order right.)

Shaka.

> Jake